Normal Life

So i’m starting to feel normal again for the first time in a long time. Sort of weird. I got in some part-time hours last week and I’m trying to get to as close to a full week in this week. It’s just odd. When you learn to live dreading the next test it’s kind of odd to think this could be over, at least for awhile. It’s still a great feeling though. Probably most excited to be able to work out and play some golf and not feel like sleeping all day. Amazing how the world passes you by when all you can think about is waking up to eat and going back to bed. Not that, that wasn’t important in the recovery it was just very frustrating to feel like i was getting better. But now everyday seems to be better and stronger. Although i am amazingly weak. I am attempted sit-ups tonight and failed miserably. Guess that’s gonna take some time. but I’m excited to throw myself back into life, even if it only ends up being for a year or two before we have to try something else. I obviously pray it’s not and believe after all this I have so much to share it’s time to get moving. Gonna get to lead worship in a few weeks which is always awesome. Even on weeks when i am dragging to get setup by the time people are singing and worshipping it’s worth every moment of the practices and setup. Hopefully the radiation shouldn’t keep me from getting back to singing too long. The side effects seem not wonderful but compared to the last 3 months i say bring it on. So here i am ready to jump off a cliff back into my so called life. I think the one thing i most want to hold onto and not forget is how much i long to do something amazing. Something that transforms or effects people. I have seen already the love and compassion from people that comes by first thinking of others and i can only hope that somehow my life will be worth such sacrifices. Not that i don’t long for normalcy again, but i am setting myself to be committed to changing people’s lives, whatever that influence is. If it’s sharing my story from my cubicle at work or traveling the world, i think God has a plan. I know He does. I just don’t want to get in the way of that. Keep praying for strength and my radiation which starts up in a week. I have some reservations but I do trust my Dr that this is the right thing to do at this point. Pray if it’s not that it’s obvious. God certainly has answered that prayer before. See ya

really important

haha got you. no actually some of the greatest news i have heard in awhile besides my remission. MEWITHOUTYOU has a new album coming out may 19th. Ok so i’m crazy but it’s the little things that sometimes are easiest to get excited about it. Most of you have no idea who they are and if you do you may hate them, but their lyrics have spoken to me probably the most of any other band and other people or things i’ve read over the last few years so give them a listen or at least read some lyrics. You’ll be excited too, hopefully. that is all.

Afraid to post

It seems like every time i do an update something changes. So i’ve been a bit slow in blogging this, but. I’M in REMISSION. At least that’s the consensus at this point. Houston unfortunately can’t continue with their type of treatment until I show proof of disease. Not that I am bummed to not have Cancer. The reality of it all is that relapse in my case is pretty high for the next year or two. So now we are back to radiation here in Sacramento. The chance of relapse after radiation becomes more like 3 to 5 years and in some cases never. So obviously that’s what we are praying for. It’s a little weird to be sort of done though. You think about it but now that i am at that point at least for awhile it’s somewhat overwhelming. I am going to be trying to go back to work and hopefully playing again sometime soon. The last couple days have been probably the best i have felt since at least thanksgiving. Really excited to work out and try to play golf with all this great weather. So that’s what is happening for now. I start radiation in a week and half. Not really worried about the side effects though compared to everything i have done so far. Almost seems like a cake walk compared to the stem cell when they talk about it. So we will see i guess. Houston was good and bad. Good news about remission but i am sure some of you heard i was put in the hospital for pneumonia and breathing problems. Seems to be clearing up so far, now i’m back to just dealing with side effects of the stem cell. Slow progress but at least finally some progress. Guess that’s it. Great news, just need it to stay that way. Thanks again for all the support and prayers to get us this far. Keep praying this is it and maybe a little radiation i will never have to be stabbed and subjected to toxic drugs again.